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-       Last night, Vivian, or Ivy, killed herself. She shot herself in the head in the middle of the night. She was alone because Claira left for this two day orientation thing at LW. I was awake at the time. I haven’t gotten much sleep ever since Viv started getting bullied. I don’t know why I thought outing her was funny, it never was and never will be. I ran in there and saw her, on the ground, with her blood all around her. At first I just stood there, staring at her. Then I heard Gabe coming up behind me and made him go back in his room. Mom and dad came in after and mom just went into hysterics. She begged me and dad to call 911, and dad did, but we all knew it was too late. When I finally stopped staring at her, I went in further and found this note:

-       I’m not sure who took it the hardest. I think mom, because she knows she was the one pushing her about it the hardest. Mom went into the bedroom after that and she hasn’t come out since. Dad’s just been sorta silent and shaky. Gabe still doesn’t know what’s going on, I kept blocking his room every time he tried to come out. I guess I’ll have to tell him after this. Eventually he’ll wonder where the hell his sister went. I called Claira when everyone went back to bed. She tried to keep her cool, but she started sobbing pretty quickly. She said she was headed home after we were done talking, but I told her not to. It might be dangerous for her to drive right after a bomb shell like that. She said she’d wait till morning and then come home. She’ll probably be back soon.

-       This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have outed Viv. It wasn’t funny. I didn’t realize people would react that way. I don’t have a problem with gays, at all. I thought everyone would laugh and tease her a little and that’d be that, they’d move on. But I didn’t realize how fucking homophobic everyone was. I didn’t think it’d get back to mom and dad. I didn’t think they’d overreact. I didn’t think she’d kill herself. I didn’t think, period.

-       I tried to make it better afterward. I fought for her. But eventually it got to people just talking behind her back or her not telling me who did what. She didn’t want me in more trouble. I’m close to getting expelled for all the fights. But who else would fight for her? Claira can’t fight. And even the fucking teachers turned away from her when she needed help. I’ve bluntly asked the teachers why they didn’t stop the people teasing her, why they didn’t look at the cameras for evidence of her being attacked or her locker getting smashed. And they wouldn’t answer me directly. They’d suddenly be busy with something or tell me that it wasn’t my business. Bullshit.

-       It’s too late for apologies to her now. I messed up, fucking big time. But, in a way, I guess this is a good thing. Maybe people will open their fucking eyes and see that what they did was wrong, that she didn’t deserve to be harassed until she felt the only way out was death. I think mom and dad are gonna rethink themselves too. I doubt they’ll stop being Christian but maybe they’ll get rid of the “my way or the highway” attitude. Or maybe they’ll prove to be giant douchebags and step it up a notch. Who knows.

-       If you know someone who is gay or whatever, don’t out them. For the love of god, do not fucking out them. Even if you’re trying to be helpful or even if you think they’ll just get teased a little or your school is better than that, fucking don’t.

-       And if you know someone who is gay, well who gives a shit? It doesn’t matter. You have no right to harass them or make them